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Post by The Blue Ronin on Oct 11, 2011 10:40:51 GMT -5
I could have very easily just went ahead and handled this via scathing PM's to people. That was my first plan. I could just as easily sat down and wrote out several PM's to the people who have really pushed the limits of acceptability lately, and been done with it. Instead, I pm'd every single person on the board, and wrote a very generalized, non finger pointing post about it, in an effort keep people from being angry that "that mod" is out to get them. The problem with this is, nobody knows whether you're aiming this at them or not. Some people might suspect, and some people might be fairly certain they're in the clear, but nobody knows. It is equally likely that the people you are targeting will say 'oh, he's not talking to me' and carry on as it is they'll take notice. And equally likely that people who aren't doing anything you consider problematic will think you are aiming at them and change their behaviour needlessly. I don't really see the downside of sending a bunch of PMs, myself. I understand you don't want to name names in a public forum, but... these are PMs. They're private. Nobody is going to be publicly dragged through the mud.
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Bayushi Senshi
Scorpion Clan
Scorpion Clan * Clan Champion * Samurai * Kensai * Experienced * Loyal * Unique
Posts: 1,891
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Post by Bayushi Senshi on Oct 11, 2011 13:09:57 GMT -5
I felt inclined to take this opportunity to explain as inoffensively and as concisely as possible my end of things. I am the mod accused of threatening to ban someone. This is not true. There were accusations sent my way about how I handled a player request for a poll. I explained to that person that I what I did was based solely on the wishes of the author of the thread/poll, and to bring up concerns with the threads author. I was told that I should not abdicate responsibility to the event by that same person. I got defensive about it, and explained to that person how blaming me for said event was unfair, and informed him that I was passing the log of the conversation to his clan mod.
I did so because the clan mod is a clan appointed position, a person who is "on your side." The clan mod did an excellent job behind the scenes of defending said person, and taking care of things. I did not threaten to ban this person. I tried my hardest to stay impartial about the event, as well as the conversation. What I should have done differently was not talk about it on cbox. I should have invited the conversation to a pm.
There was an ooc thread about the same event, the poll. Disagreements about how the poll was handled started to get heated. I, having had enough for one day, said rather emphatically that no more talk about the event was going to be tolerated, or there would be consequences. I used the words, "will be punished." I read parts of this thread the next morning, agreed that I may have been a bit threatening, and deleted the portion that talked about punishing anyone. I did not threaten to ban.
I have never threatened to ban anyone in the 7 months or so that I have been a mod. In fact, and my peers in the mod board can attest, I most often take the time to defend players, even if no one else agrees with me. Every time the word ban has been brought to my attention in the mod boards, I'm the one they need to try real hard to convince that its a good idea.
Thank you for reading this, and for taking the time to discuss this civilly. I just really felt that I needed to defend myself somehow.
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Mirumoto Machu
Dragon Clan
Advantage: Different school Shiba bushi. Dissadvantage: Missing limb
Posts: 299
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Post by Mirumoto Machu on Oct 11, 2011 17:16:31 GMT -5
* Change "youtube" to "board", please. I think I must respond to this by saying... FIRST! Oh wait...
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Post by Mirumoto Shigekazu on Oct 12, 2011 0:26:39 GMT -5
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Tsi Eri
Oriole Clan
Oriole Clan * Artisan * Samurai * Actress * Daughter of Tsi Karone
Posts: 30
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Post by Tsi Eri on Oct 13, 2011 14:40:06 GMT -5
Well, as someone who has quit the boards before (deleted account that is) I will just add that no matter how many witty comics are posted, things will happen where people feel like leaving. Whether this be frustration, anger, boredom, or other reasons, people will always find reasons for not wanting to post here anymore. And yes, sometimes it will be because of how they view the mods or the forum rules. Here's the important thing to remember though; there is nothing anyone can do to change that last point. The rules could change, and people would still disagree with them. The forums could completely remove mods and there would be people who disagree with that decision.
The trick as a mod and as a poster is this; Give constructive criticism when you have some, but remember that point. You aren't the sole authority on how things should be run, and even if you know others who agree with your point, it's highly unlikely that you are getting your opinion from anything resembling a majority of EE players. This doesn't make your concerns invalid in any stretch of the imagination, it simply means not to blow things out of proportion.
I know it can be hard, since it's like watching the news these days; When someone approves of what you're doing it's likely no one is going to say anything about it. You only hear something when something goes wrong. This can cause you to think more things are going wrong than really are, and can lead to frustration. At the same time, it can be so easy to pump ourselves up about our arguments in our head, as well as horridly difficult to admit they're wrong. Finally, since a vast majority of problems are handled privately via PMs, it is also easy to feel you're being singled out, since you can't see other problems and how they are being handled.
Anyways, point is this; things happen. People will have bad days, people will disagree with each other on how things should be handled, people will resent rules and being told how to act, and people take things as very personal and very important even if others don't see it that way. But do not let it get to you; all letting it get to you does is make it worse. Once you believe things are unfair, you will start seeing unfairness where-ever you look. Once you believe people are out to get you, you will see people out to get you where-ever you look. And as hard as it can be to get out of that loop or even realize you're in one in the first place, just try your best to keep it in mind.
Apart from that basic advice, here are some things you can do to make life on and off these forums a little better:
1) Remember we're all people. For good or bad, we all have things others will never know about us and will never know are influencing us, just like no one else will ever completely understand what is influencing you. So when you can, try to be empathetic; try to think of times you've been frustrated or going through a rough time and remember how hard it can be to be a pleasant, agreeable, rational person at some of those times.
2) Remember this is the internet. For good or bad, as much as one can say on their Facebook page or in their profile here, what we see is never going to be as complete or real as seeing someone face to face, hearing them speak, seeing the way they carry themselves. There is little words on a screen can do to convey someone's passion, conviction, well meaning, attitude, etc. In other words, a vast majority of the time the inflection of what someone's saying is in your head; Give people the benefit of the doubt and when you're getting caught up on a point like that, PM someone for clarification to make sure you're accurately understand what they mean.
3) Remember not everyone can be your friend. No matter how much of an optimist you are, there will always be people you won't get along with, even after you truly understand them and etc. It's bound to happen. That doesn't mean those people need to people need to be "enemies" and it doesn't mean you can't be kind to them. So often people will come to dislike someone and turn it into a vicious cycle of antagonizing each other, turning what is a simple product of differences and making it so you can't stand to be around each other. DON'T DO THIS. Agree to disagree and move on. If you find yourself bristling when you think of that person, read what they're saying or etc, realize what you're thinking and step back; take a breather, find something fun to do, talk yourself out of it, or whatever you need to do. By getting hurt and angry just thinking about someone you're just feeding your own insecurities and negative thoughts. 90% of the time, if you simply calm your mindset and stop obsessing on negatives, you will find things turn out much better. -----------------------------
Anyways, rambling; another thing that people have that's an imperfection, the inability to put things succinctly XD. But hopefully you get my point; These forums aren't so bad, they're not about to fall apart, and people aren't out to ruin your day. And the more you focus on what is wrong with here and the people here, the more likely you're going to cause those very things; whether it be getting more heated in arguments, seeing people in a worse light, dwelling on things, or taking things personally, nothing can be gained by getting too worked up over what you see wrong on here. Mods included. The more you do any of that, the more you are just leading yourself where you don't want to go.
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Tamori Manji
Dragon Clan Mod ![*](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/stars/star.png)
Demon Fox (妖狐)
?Dragon Clan ?Hatamoto ?Fire ?Void ?Yamabushi ?Tattoed ?Nonhuman
Posts: 922
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Post by Tamori Manji on Oct 13, 2011 14:58:39 GMT -5
I concur.
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